Funny thing happened last weekend -- I'm sleeping on my bed, minding my own business and my tall person throws me into the Situation Room (where all the computers are). Turns out, they WERE planning another swimming party, but decided to make it a surprise, middle-of-the-night party. It must not have been very good because it only lasted a couple hours. I slept through most of it. My people are lame. Check out their tiny, lame swimming pool:
When I emerged from my slumber (read: my tall person let me out of Situation Room prison), yet another tiny person had appeared. Looks just like the last one that appeared at the first lame swimming party 18 months ago, but they talked to this one differently. Here's what they said:
Ainsley Grace White
8lbs 8oz
20.5"
super cute
Over the next couple days all sorts of people came and went. Most importantly, I got plenty of attention and was fed regularly. I had a lot of fun with these two Casady girls that I chased all over the house. I thought they might take me home with them….
Anyway, here are some pictures of all the weekend's action if you're into that sort of thing:
I don't think my tall person likes me very much anymore. Anyone want to be my new owner? Where else ya gonna get a super, amazing dog that's as cute as I am and hates chickenhawks as much as I do? C'mon! Give my tall person a call. Help a puppy out!
I got to talkin' with my little person about the joys of running around wild and free. He really seemed to take to the idea. After his bath the other night, he snuck out and started running around before my big people could get him back in his britches. He seemed to really enjoy experiencing the world as I do -- au naturel…
I found this lying around the house the other day while overhearing my big people talking about having another swimming party next year. I hope I'm invited this time…
Yeah, yeah, it's been a while. Few of you know that I'm actually a backup center fielder for the Kansas City Royals, so I had to take off blogging during baseball season…
So, a few things have happened in the past few months. First of all, my little person keeps getting bigger, louder and more mobile. Here are some pics:
Also, it's been about a year since they had that swimming party (to which I was NOT invited). Apparently that's a big deal. Because a whole bunch of people came over…AND THEY KICKED ME OUT AGAIN! I don't understand why everyone is so mean to me, but here are some pics from their malicious celebration:
The kid can walk, by the way. But he's really slow. I can totally take him. I'll try to find some video of me running circles around him for your viewing pleasure.
My tall person got all excited because my little person rolled over today. I've been able to roll over for a couple years (yet choose not to because it's stupid) and I don't see him getting all excited about that! Plus, the little guy can't spin, or sit, or high-five or shake or anything cool like that. He CAN speak, though. I'll give him credit for that. Sometimes he won't shut up, and that's not cool.
Maybe they'll notice me if I eat more of those pacifiers....
So Augs takes up most of my people's time lately. In fact, my tall person and he stay home with me a couple times a week, but hardly pay any attention to me at all. Not sure what that's all about.
My short person has been tracking the little guy's growth versus a teddy bear that I occasionally take for a trip. Here are some pics she's taken for size comparison:
Augs @ 2 months
Augs @ 3 months
Augs @ 4 months
Me being awesome.
I don't know what the big deal is. That bear hasn't grown the entire time it's been here. Heck, it hasn't even moved that I've noticed. I did some research and have projected what Augs will look like when he's 23 years old:
The bear has turned into a lion, but you get the idea.
So, a couple weeks ago, these two random college kids roll into my house and take away both of my beds AND the coffee table where I patrol for people-food all the time. That really wasn't very cool, but I was anxious to see what I was going to get as a replacement.
Then they came -- two monstrous brown things with a matching brown box where my people hid all my blankets. Here's a picture:
My new bed stinks. I hardly fit on it, with that big back pillow pushing me off. When I roll around, almost none of my hair gets matted into it to keep me warm. And it just doesn't seem as absorbent as my last bed.
My people have been pretty lazy to wake up recently and I don't get fed until later in the morning sometimes. On Christmas Eve my tall person fed me sometime earlier in the morning. It was tasty. He then went right back to bed . . . because he's lazy. Later on, my girl person got up and gave me SECOND BREAKFAST!!! It was awesome! A tip to you dogs out there, just act like you're starving ALL THE TIME. Then if someone doesn't know you've already eaten, they'll probably feed you anyway.
Most of the rest of the day, my people were cooking stuff, so there were great smells all over the place. I, of course, helped as much as I could by standing in the kitchen as much in the way as possible.
Later that night I got dinner, as usual. After I wolfed down my third meal of the day I stood outside and bragged to all the other dogs in the neighborhood. It sounded like this -
Then I came back inside only to see my people leave for church. Not that I mind -- that gave me time to work off the extra food by taking a big fat nap on the couch. Only thing is, I was really excited about Santa coming. Here's what I felt like -
With all the excitement....I threw up on the couch. It was no big deal, really. Think of it like this -
But for some reason my people seemed a little upset. I heard rumors of the vintage furniture being replaced in the near future. That's okay with me . . . I could use a new bed.
My people put up my Christmas tree for me about a week ago. It took them long enough. They were super-lazy and didn't put one up at all last year. I'm glad they finally got around to it, though. It smells nice, it gives me an extra place to get a drink of water and most of all it has THESE:
That's right! Much like people have pinatas, I get these little glass ornaments that, if you're lucky, have little puppy-treats in them. I haven't found any, yet. But I plan on starting my search again soon. The people make it tricky for me, but I am very adept at getting to all of them. First, I take out the low-hanging ornaments. Then I use the well-lit wire rope as a ladder to climb to the top of the tree where the most valuable prizes often hide.
Here's a picture of my exploits from a couple years ago. No treats that year, but I'm still hopeful for this year.
An evil and completely unwelcome intruder invaded my home a couple weeks ago. He's a rather small and ugly pooch that somehow has the impression he's the sheriff around here. I will sooner rip his face off before bestowing such a title upon him. His day of judgment is coming and all will know that there is but one sheriff at the White house and she is ME!
Here is a video of his recent transgression. It serves as proof of his evil doing.
The little person is somewhat easily spooked. Here's a picture of him in the midst of being startled.
This pose is strikingly similar to that of a 60' statue in front of a large church in Ohio. Take a look:
Looks like he's about to drown, or maybe do a backflip. Kinda looks like he might be really angry and just yelled, "what the crap!?" Probably the best name was made famous by a song by Heywood Banks, "Big Butter Jesus" and is why my people now call my little shorty, "Big Butter Auggie." Take a gander at the youtube video:
I'm pretty sure this is what my tall person looks like to my little person. They're ridiculous with the camera stuff. I think they might be approaching 5% or 10% of what they have of me!
By the way -- good news on the magic chair front. It seems my tall people are less vigilant with their food stuffs while looking over the little person. I got TWO chips this week!
Well, now it looks like this little person is here to stay. I don't know what the big deal is, but he gets all kinds of stuff I can't have. He's ON THE FURNITURE all the time. They give him CLOTHES and if he makes the slightest noise, my people pay all kinds of attention to him. Maybe I just need to bark a little louder . . . . Heck, he doesn't even have to go outside to use the bathroom!
I did check him out the other day.
He smells okay and I think he'll be the perfect-sized jockey for that race I've always wanted to enter.
Here's some more pictures if you're into that sort of thing.
